Posts Tagged ‘3-star’

Angels & Demons

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

I believe it’s Einstein’s theory of relativity that states the faster you travel, the slower that time (relative to a fixed point) passes for you. I got a C in Einsteinian physics, which is why I’m not making hundreds of dollars as a theoretical physicist, but it follows from this theory that you could ostensibly travel into the “future” simply by flying around at a high enough rate of speed. This leads one to wonder: is it possible that Opie Taylor’s plot in 2009’s Angels & Demons was whipping along fast enough that Robert Langdon (Buffy Wilson) was able to pass into the future and figure out its Rubick’s Cubian braintwisters in advance? This still wouldn’t explain how he was able to return to his time frame of reference to save the world, but if I had to guess I’d say it had something to do with black holes, or wormholes. Or, at the very least, plotholes. (more…)


Saturday, September 12th, 2009

Say hi to your mother for me.Movies that are targeted to a specific audience are always a bit of a crap shoot, especially if you’re outside their range, or if they just miss and don’t have enough splash damage to affect your critic shields.

Um. Sorry, I’ve been playing a lot of videogames. (more…)


Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

You know it's make-believe because his girlfriend is excited about his videogamesThere’s something about movies from the 1980s that I find reassuring. At some point in the last 25 years people stopped wanting, or studios stopped providing, movies featuring kids that look, sound, and act like real people. I suppose this can be traced back to the heyday of Macaulay Culkin, when it was no longer enough for kids to be smart, funny, or endearing in the way that kids can be in real life, but instead needed to outsmart the villains, mug for the camera, and provide a running dialog of snark along the way. By the same token, it is no longer enough for Winnie Cooper to be the Platonic ideal of a grade school/high school beauty, now we have a 21-year-old Megan Fox playing a high school student. WarGames, set contemporary to its 1983 production year, predates this trend, and provides a realism that seems both odd and relieving  in contrast, like having a bowl of soup after a week of gorging on Halloween candy. (more…)

District 9

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

I guess shooting at Wilford Brimley is the proper training method for stemming an alien invasion.A few years ago, when it was leaked that Peter Jackson was handed the Halo license and told to go to town on it, I was cautiously optimistic that I would eventually wind up seeing a 9-hour trilogy (and a 16-hour “director’s cut”) that would be equal parts amazing and excessive, and feature at least a couple of homoerotic bedroom scenes with Master Chief and The Arbiter. Unfortunately (fortunately?), Microsoft stepped in and demanded a level of script control that Jackson was uncomfortable with (because if there’s anything M$ knows, it’s how to control script kiddies…but I digress), and we were forever denied the wonder of a slow-motion pillow fight between a 10-foot-tall cyborg and a semi-generic alien. Truth be told, I don’t know that a Halo movie is really the videogame property most deserving of a movie treatment; I couldn’t explain the plots to Halos 1 and 2 if I tried, and I played both through to completion. (more…)

The Brothers Bloom

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

So many RAAAAIIIINDROPS...fallin' in my EYES, EYES...Sometimes movies get so close to being perfect that when they fall short of the perfection they hope to attain, they fall farther and harder than a movie that doesn’t even try. The sophomore effort of Rian Johnson, director of my favorite movie of 2005, Brick, is just such a movie. That isn’t to say that The Brothers Bloom is a bad movie–in fact, it has moments of greatness. It isn’t even to say that it’s an uneven movie–the first two acts build a convincing and sometimes beautiful world full of entertaining and fantastical characters. What it is, is a movie that changes gears so abruptly between the second and third acts that the audience is left lurching like a driving-school Dodge Omni with a 5-speed and a worn-out clutch. (more…)